Sugar-Free for Seven

I was raised Catholic... have an Orthodox Catholic mother, went to Catholic school right through college -- it's basically in my bones. I don't go to church any longer, and am the first to get all hot & bothered discussing church doctrine -- but I can still say mass in my sleep --- and every year, I try to give a little something up for lent. It's just what I do.

So this year ----- I decided to go balls out and challenge the hell outta myself and give up sugar. Nope, that's not a typo --- I'm trying to lay off the sweet stuff for 40 long ass days. No muffins, scones, cookies, cake, pie or pastry. No candy. No (*deep sigh*)chocolate. No treats at all.

Those of you who know me well know that this is completely batshit. I LOVE treats ---I mean, Really?!? I'm a pastry chef!! I've been baking every week for-just-about-ever... so not touching sugar for 40 days is HUGE for me. Borderline ridiculous.

But -------- all that said. I've made it through seven whole days -- without cheating once! Even last night at Buvette when someone put a huge slice of blueberry tart in front of me... I sat on my hands and didn't have a crumb. I'm pretty proud of myself.... I don't think I've ever gone this long without something sweet...

Besides lent, a huge part of my trying to avoid the sweetness is that it's hand down my go to when I'm stressed out.... and kiddies -- I haven't been this stressed out in a LONG, long time. Things with the landlord at the shop are just stupid at this point... I can barely stand to be here these days. This month, with the move and everything related to it, has been getting under my skin. It would totally be my MO to just binge like no body's business to get me through this --- so denying myself that out is really just an attempt at self-preservation.

It's this --- or buying a new wardrobe so that I can leave the house come April. And, ummmm.... I can't afford to do that -- or much of anything else -- right now.

I'm doing all right tho ---- it's not as impossible as I thought it would be. The really tricky bit is the knowledge that some time within the next few weeks, several boxes of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies are gonna enter the picture.......................... I'm not sure I have the strength to be in their presence. Their chocolatey, minty, crispy, sweet presence.

OoOooOoooh my goodness. Okay. Moving on..........

The Sugar-Freeness also applies to how I've been feeling for the past few weeks. I've been lacking a bit in the happy department these days... I've just been feeling really angry and bitter about the situation at the shop. Things hit a boiling point for me yesterday:

I had created a FaceBook event page for the fundraiser... and some guy posted an all out rant about it on the wall. His opening line was "I think this is a bit absurd." He then went on to say that I'm taking advantage of starving artists for my own personal gain. That I'm being "exploitative and misleading" by calling the event a fundraiser because I'm not a charity -- that the money's just all going in my pocket and that "If you're looking to do some good by donating charitably to a good cause, then this is not it."

I know that I'm ubber sensitive these days --- but this post just broke my heart a little. I felt horrified that anyone would EVER think these things about me. Asking for help has been the hardest thing I've ever done... and this guy just.... *sigh* it doesn't matter. That's my point --- I need for it to not matter to me.

Last night, I decided to just let it all go. The post, the landlord, the financial fears, all of it. It is what it is --- and all I can do is try to raise the money needed to make it better. If people look down upon me for that --- that's their bag of shit to bear -- I can't make everyone happy.

So I've vowed to focus on the silver lining in the shit storm. For every one person who's been horrible, twenty-five have been generous beyond belief. The new store will be lovely and do so much better downtown, and when it's all said and done, I'll still be standing.

So --- instead of binging on the sweetness of sugary things -- I'm going to let myself revel in the sweetness of the loved ones, friends and customers who care about the shop, and me and what I'm trying to do over here. I'm going to stop just saying "It'll all be okay" and start believing it......

And since Easter and the opening of the new space (wondrously!) happen at the same time, you best believe that I'll be celebrating everything with tons and tons of both sweetnesses!


....SideNote.................
Okay --- one last bit about the treats. My friend Jackie just turned me onto this blog called cannelle et vanille which is just beyond amazing. The writer, Aran, is a pastry chef and food stylist/photographer --- so the recipes and images are wonderful. I have a feeling I'll be trying her recipes out way before Easter rolls around and giving the goods away --- I just can't resist tackling them!