Luck is Coming Your Way

..... the other night, Tim took me out for Chinese food and that was my fortune. I've taped it to the cash register at the shop -- and it's become my daily mantra... five little words that I'm desperate to believe in after the past couple of (downright shitty) weeks.

In a nutshell, the past 14 days went a little somethin' like this:

• Diego (one of the cats) got super sick, after taking him to the vet it was determined that he had one helluva hairball and is now feeling much better (cost: $150.)
• After paying rent for June (plus security) for the new apartment and starting to move in, Tim and I realized that there was something wrong with the floors -- they're SUPER tacky -- like almost takes your shoe off tacky. Come to find out that the landlord once had them finished with a mixture of linseed oil and turpentine (???) which has never given them trouble... til now. So, we've stopped moving in while they try to fix it. Tim needs to be out of his place next weekend, so it looks like we'll be moving all of his stuff into the house, and then have to move it again once the apartment is ready. (cost: about $800. plus the cost of moving Tim twice)
• Speaking of the house.... I still own it. I'm about to try a last ditch effort to get it to sell... I just really can't afford to have it on my plate anymore... which has been making for some ridiculously stressed out sleepless nights. If I get one more call from the realtor telling me that some couple really liked the house, but simply cannot live without central air conditioning I'm gonna lose my ever-lovin' shit. (cost: about $150,000. and rising...)
• The computer for the shop died last week. I came into work on a Saturday to find it wouldn't boot. After 3 hours on the phone with Dell (cost: $50 for them to talk to me) it was determined that my operating system needed to be reinstalled. I was told to take the computer to Best Buy and have the hard disk backed up (cost: $200). I got the computer back three days later (cost: negative god only knows in lost sales at the shop) and spent another 8 (no lie) hours on the phone with Dell in which we tried everything they could think of to get it back up and running, only to have this nice man in India tell me that I had to buy a new computer. Which I did (cost: $500.). So, I try to reinstall Quick Books Point of Sale on the new computer, which isn't working ---- at which point, another nice man in India working for Quick Books tells me that the guys at Best Buy forgot to nab one file, the one that held ALL the info about my shop.... and that I should go back to Best Buy and have them retrieve it. Which I do. But see -- during that 8 hour call with the first nice man in India -- my hard disk was completely erased. *poof* So ---- not only did that little ordeal cost me about $800 (plus all the software I need to have replaced) -- I lost the entire history of the store. All the stock info, sales, tax stuff ----- all of it gone. Just. Like. That. I have since made peace with this whole situation, reentered all of the stock into the brand new computer and am starting from scratch. I'll let the accountant sort out the aftermath at tax time.
• It's College World Series time in Omaha -- 12 days when the majority of the people who live in this city abandon its downtown to crowds of college athletes and fans from across the country. As luck would have it -- I had an opening scheduled for last night, to which no one came because they were avoiding the chaos of the Old Market. (cost: I don't really even want to think about it)
• Whatever money I had stashed away for the new gallery is gone, mainly swallowed up by the computer breakdown. It needs to open in 6 weeks and I have nothing, nada to get it built with.
  

It has been a nasty ass run of days. I have been in a horrible mood -- barely talking to anyone (including Tim), just going home and sitting on my porch, watching fireflies and SERIOUSLY contemplating climbing into my car and driving like a bat outta hell to someplace (ANYplace) else.

So this morning, I woke up and decided to try and take back my life a bit. I need to break this bad luck cycle somehow, because the constant stress of it is taking a serious toll on me. I'm not sleeping, or seeing my friends, or laughing a lot these days. I've kinda had enough.

Here's the game plan:

I'm calling the bank holding my mortgage next week and asking if they would be open to a short sale on the house. If they refuse, I'm pretty much going to tell them that they can have it and deal with the fall out. I've tried to refinance it (no equity) I've tried to apply for assistance programs (I don't make enough money to qualify -- funny, don'tcha think?) I understand (all too well) the consequences of walking away from it... but after talking with a lot of people, have come to realize that it's not the end of the world. I have my business, and a place to live, and if I want to buy a house -- or, well, anything else requiring decent credit -- in the next seven years, I will get someone to help me or I will go without. The house needs to go away.... period. I need to stop thinking about the stigma, stop seeing it as a failure, stop thinking about what the neighbors will say. And, not that it makes it any better, but I'm (obviously -- altho I've been feeling like the only person on the planet coping with this) not the only person dealing with this right now... 321,480 homes went into foreclosure last month -- that one in every 400 homes. Shit's fucked up.

This isn't the end of the world. Even if it feels like it might be.

The money for the gallery.... I'm going to try to borrow it from friends. I will do as much of the labor as I can on my own, and hopefully only have to pay for materials and the work (like framing and hanging the drywall) that I can't do myself. The gallery needs to open on August 7th... and that's all there is to it. I need to get it done. I hate the idea of having to ask for help, I'm bad at it.... Okay, maybe worse than bad -- I don't do it. Ever. But that also needs to change.

Just making those two decisions made me feel so much better! Then I came into work to find emails from two artists who I've been trying to book for exhibits in the gallery, Lisa Congdon and Martha Rich -- two artists I adore. Both of them accepted my invitation to show at Pulp next year! When I got the email from Martha, I actually felt my tummy swoon..... this is a huge step forward for the gallery -- and I'm thrilled to bits about both exhibits!

Things are going to get better. I know that -- they are. I just need to be patient and ride this out -- without cutting myself off from the people who love me and hiding my head in the sand. I think that I feel better today because I'm moving forward... albeit in this odd, slow, lurching overweight one legged dog way. Whatever! Fuck that! I'm moving!

........ and hopefully, (please god, pretty, pretty please!) I'll stumble across a bit more luck along the way.